Friday night.

In my life I have met many different friends. One of my friends is an English teacher. I read her blog tonight and felt like I wish I could help her more. I know it's hard to be away from her family on top of it all. Here I am with my family no more then minutes away from me, yet I find myself all holed up in our house. We did not put up our tree. I did not participate in the office secret Santa, nor did I do the cookie exchange. I just am not happy this Christmas season. The thing is, no one at work knew. I kept my professional face on. It's a political battle at my job and there can be no sign of weakness. I turned it into a game. As soon as my door opened for clients, bam there was a smile on my face, presentations ready and I stayed on my game. The only ones that sensed something was wrong was my interns. They are with me every second. They see me with clients, they see me crunching numbers, they see me on my down time. Even Lunch. Since the whole curtain and cat thing I have not had a desire to leave my house. We out shopping for the interns and I had a lot of fun, but other then that... I don't want to talk to anyone. It hurts still. All of it. The weekend I fall apart again. Probably from not thinking about it during the week. The weekend is down time. Personal reflection time. Time that my eyes water and heart aches.

It's Saturday morning.

Did not finish my post. Computer battery died. It was too cold to get the power cord, so I stayed in bed and went to sleep. He had already fallen asleep next to me. Right now he is out jogging and I'm typing away while sipping on coffee in the kitchen on our wonderful new dinning set. (we picked this up last weekend). I'm going shopping for my grandma, and we have to pick up a basket thing to wrap M and M's gift. I'm getting out of the house. My mourning period is over. I'm on vacation. Till the new year. Well I might put in a few hours in between. All meeting moved and teleconferences set. E-mails ready and net forum to run.... all to stay out of the office and to work in my yoga pants and long sleeved pull over of my choice.

Let's see.... I'm 31.

For my birthday I received back the gift I gave myself. I bought grandma curtains. That was my gift to myself for my birthday. Making sure grandma had window coverings. They were a lushish chocolate color. Well... that's not what my aunt had in mind. She also said that my other cousin ... ($250 Paint Job) was going to buy curtains ... um, then why did she only purchase one set of sheers for 5 windows. Whatever. My other cousin (who is living with grandma, got some girl knocked up, and asked if they would match the wood blinds that don't exist. My dad who was there today (on vacation) decided just to take them down and let them handle it. The cousin asked if they could be left up at least till the blinds are purchased. Grandma then said, "no, she has to get her money back if we take them down" ... so down they went. This is the same cousin that spent $300 on a glass fish vase. Another couple of hundred on some water fountain that looks like it came from a Target garden center...he has in it the living room. Can we all say "maxed-out credit cards". Imagine, I could have spent time with my Timba, rather then waste my time putting up something that others did not "picture". Timba died that night. My aunt and her kids can do what they want. I'm strictly staying out of it. I offered, I was rejected. Oh well. Next I'm going to weed the garden and when I'm done I'm sure they will hire a landscape service.

Now that I have written all this... I still love them. They just have issues that are-what-they-are and if this is how they feel in control of their lives, and how they feel important... oh well. I have new curtains to put up in my house... Next they will no longer have the carpet my dad had installed in mind... careful pop. ;-P

It's fitting that today the sky is blue, the flowers are blooming and the weeds are pushing through the soil with wild fervor. The air is cold and crisp. I can see a fresh blanket of snow on the mountains encircle our valley.


Monday- Timba out two year old cat is leaking urine and blood. My husband and I know its stones that he has to pass. So he takes him to the Vet and I go to work. My birthday is coming up. All I want is for our cat to get better. I told my husband that any money we were going to spend this next weekend on my birthday was going to the cat. He agreed to my request. He's sweet... I had to tell him no credit cards either or he would of snuck a gift in some how. I just want the cat fixed.

Tuesday- He is leaking and we have to purchase puppy pads, a smaller dish of water so we can monitor the amount he is drinking and his "special" food. We place a small litter box in the area too so we can monitor his "potty" as well. We separated him from the other cats and thought he would be good in a few days.

Wednesday - We had to sponge bathe the cat. He is wet, it's cold and he's not happy. He's still leaking, but no more blood. Our 12 year old dog fell while she was running after one of the young pups. His front leg gave out. She snaps at them for no reason sometimes. I think she is losing her mind.

Thursday- The cat is now not eating still and we are still going through the medication and cleaning regime. Mom called, grandpa had a diabetic episode. His numbers were at 30, and that is after forcing down Orange Juice. It's raining.

Friday - My husband took the cat back to the Vet. They switched his pills and gave him a shot to induce hunger. My husband felt at this time that this was not enough but took the cat home to see if the changes would help. I finally found out why a co worker was not coming to work. He is in a different department and no one said a thing. He finally e-mailed me. He had a break down of sorts. He on stress related leave for depression. This happens once a year, we call it "his moment", but this one looks like forever. He is the only male in our gaggle of female lunch partners. He comes on over to our side of the lot and chills after his smoke. Come to think of it... he never eats. Except on potluck days... Mexican Food. This week has been exhausting. We fall asleep around 8:30 pm. It's raining.

Saturday- Our cat does not look well. We decide he is going back to the Vet on Monday. I carry him around the house wrapped up in a puppy pad. I pick up my mom and we head out to buy the curtains and rods for my grandma. My cousin has already purchased sheers for the windows. She has three 3’ and one 71" window(s) to cover. I call my cousin to see if she wants to come along, she did purchase the sheers. She had her siblings with her (ages 18-8 …babysitting) and her baby. We told her that we would then just meet her at grandmas. She insisted on meeting us at Home Depot (our second stop) she and all my cousins came up and hugged us. Here we go… all 6 of us to pick up a faux stain glass panel for the front door. I’m partially glad they came. I found out she only purchased one set of panels and a curtain rod that should be used for curtains. Long story short, I spent a few hours there and hung them up. All the family in the same room, plus grandma and her sister-in-law, it was packed.

I came home we got ready for my birthday dinner. We went out to eat, went to see the lights in Riverside and walked through the shops along the main walk. It began to sprinkle and we went home. As soon as we got home we began to hand feed and water our kitty. We gave him his meds and then he began to twitch. We rushed him to the 24 Animal Hospital and checked him in. We grabbed his medical records and pills and handed them over. The Vet did not look happy when she read the record of the other hospital.

Sunday - The phone rang at 1:30 am. His potassium levels were high, his temp was dropping and his kidneys were in danger. They could not save him. He died.

Monday- I turn 31.


* I gave Timba to my husband for his birthday. He would wake up my husband every morning by placing his paw on the side of the bed, then he would run up and touch noses with him. I would chase him through the house and then he would chase me back. He would wait at the front door when we drove up and jump up spin and run as we opened it. He was an indoor kitty. My husband and I do not have children. They are all we have.