In waves

One of my paintings, My Happy Family, Forever

Wave one

I was in a planning meeting all day. We were re working the goals of our site. Addressing budget issues, job descriptions, the whole nine yards. Of course the the higher ups had no answers. We got it done. Our team works well with one another.

Wave two

My department was reviewed and I waited to her those sweet little words I hear at the star of the year. You will be the flagship for your field. I waited. The review went great. We received very high marks for DIVA. This is it, I thought. I'm almost there. My rebuilding is right on track. My portfolio has over a 100 artifacts, we had team members trained, the data was perfect... life was moving.

Wave three

As the meeting ended, my members started moving in for a company meeting. Our reviewer then said... your losing a lot of members. I said yes, many are moving to other companies, and yes they are my members of my lead team. She said for that reason, I will not be a demonstration site. At least not till 2010. They have to make sure I retrain new people and that our quality of work remains high. It was like a bad brake up. It's not you. It's me. She said It's not my leadership, it's not our work... it's what will happen next year. We will be to "fresh" again.

Wave four

Company meeting, I held it together. No one knows we have been set back yet. All those leaving us don't know yet. Only two people know at work right now. I have no control if people leave. Yet their move controls me. Luap and Ronnie were there after the meeting. They are the only two that know. I want to have a baby soon. Work and babies don't mix well. If I'm going for the top, I need it to come soon... not later.

Wave five

I cried all the way home. 100 artifacts . One huge year of major success, four years of business growth. My Flagship goal .... pushed back. It was supposed to be my year in 2008.

Wave Six

It's work... work. It's a job. So I more work to do... that's what work is. Work. I have my life. My home life is my life. It's frustrating, don't get me wrong. I'm pissed, but what can I do. I just need to keep the standards up, hire great people and retrain.

Wave Seven

I sit here listen to my husband singing. I love him. He's playing the keys. I sit here and smile. A real smile.