3 months ago
title: A few days off
I have the rest of the week off. No work.
The bee man came and took care of our hive.
What we thought would take all day only took 1/2 an hour.
Going out to eat with some friends tonight.
My husband took the day off ( to meet with the bee man) and now is taking a nap. I'm rearranging and sorting trough all the files on my lap top. I hate clutter in my virtual file folders.
Came across the photos I used in the memorial DVD.
I realized she is never coming back. My heart is broken. What happend? She was just here. Where was I? I mean I was right there. It's like I can go up the mountain and she'll be there. I know I had mini break downs... but she is gone. I finally realized she is gone.
Time Lapse...
It was all a blur. My mom posted something similar. Time, what was it, what shaped it and did it even stay consistent?
In order to try to understand I actually had to take out a calendar for this post. I was so confused and turned around that I felt lost. I really needed to lay it out in order to not only find myself, but to get back on track. Even though I am back at work and making sure my husband has a good birthday weekend, I still feel a little disorientated.
May 24th - Went to visit my tia.
May 25th
May 26th
May 27th
May 28th - she "entered" hospice at home. I canceled an event for June 4th. I rescheduled it for June 9th. I took a little heat for it, but I just needed to cancel.
May 29th - I took the day off in order to see a doctor. I felt sick and wanted to get better or they would not let me see her. I never miss work. I have over 3 months in sick leave, but this was important.
May 30th - sick
May 31st - sick
June 1st - sick, went to work.
June 2nd - I scheduled a day off for Thursday the 4th while at work. Mother called at 10:30 pm...I took her up the mountain to my tia.
June 3rd- Came down the mountain at 3:00 am, went home took a power nap and went to work at 7:00 am. Was told my office may move, I may lose another co worker and conducted interviews. I went home early. Lightning and thunder. Wanted to go up the mountain. Little brother needed me. Stayed and my husband and I went over. She passed at 4:45 pm.
June 4th - took day off. Slept. I was running on 3 hours of sleep. I have no idea how my mother did it. I woke up. My husband had gone to work. I was in the house. What had happened? I got to work on my computer. Scanning photographs, looking through old albums and getting my event squared away for the 9th.
June 5- a day, went to work.
June 6 - yesterday
June 7 - today
Tomorrow is another day...
Tomorrow is a birthday.
Birthday Weekend - Husband
Friday
On my home... first stop... to pick up some Cold Stone Ice Cream for my Baby
Driving out of our drive way for a late dinner date.
mmmm.... sushi.Saturday
we ate a small coffee and pastry breakfast and no dinner in order to get our fill here at lunch. Buuurrrrgersssss!
Sunday
After running errands we stopped in to grab a drink. He, a toffee crunch mocha latte grande soy frappa something with cream and caramel on top. Me, a green tea latte. We sat and read a few magazines. He on music, me on tattoos and studio spaces (art).
We had a BBQ and I bought him this little cake. Big enough for the two of us. Happy Birthday baby.
A stroll in the yard
Many of these plants are gifts from my husband. I can not wait to get up in the moring and head outside and water, weed and prune. To me, that is grace.Walking on a bridge, across a paved river. The sky is in the "blue" hour and yet there is an inkling of yellow sweeping past through the clouds. It's empty. There is no one around. The bridge goes North to South and as I cross it, with trees and grass on the other side, I look back. I look back only to see my self watching me. On the bridge, I turn around enough to still have my back to myself, my hair loose, wisping around in the wind. No smile... no expression. Just a sad eye contact. I turn around on the bridge and start walking away from myself.
This is the image that popped into my head when my mother told me that my tia is not eating anymore. She is home now from the hospital. She will not be going back. The family is down. We'll she them tomorrow.
Today we will celebrate my parent anniversary and my brothers birthday. I'm glad.
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